20th March 2020. Working from home, David's Diary Entry, Day 3


Striding Edge the big ant question

David's Diary

 I must admit, despite the trials and tribulations of having Moira working from home, I am feeling pretty smug today.  Yesterday without my usual hourly snacks I was on the verge of passing out from hunger at times. Plus the kitchen draw stash has been compromised so I daren’t touch it.  Fortunately while not being able to sleep last night due to bad hunger pangs I came up with a cunning plan.  

While she was in the shower this morning I grabbed a load of grub and hid it in my office draw marked camera cables and software – she never looks in there so I should be safe. I also knocked up a flask of coffee to wash it all down with and hid that under my desk.  Things nearly went tits up when I tried to wash up the stuff I had just used and accidentally turned on the hot tap. That is an ABSOLUTE NO NO in our house when someone is in the shower. A blood curdling scream from upstairs, followed by swearing was met by some fast thinking by me “Sorry, I was washing my hands – Coronavirus hygiene and all that”.  Absolute bloody GENIUS I am.


For lunch? Sodding Marmite on toast again, but at least I could have a Curly Wurly for afters once I got back upstairs.

My cocky optimism was dashed later when I got too blasé with my excuses as to why I seem to spend all my time working but don’t produce much.

Late this afternoon, she caught me staring idly at my computer screen which has a pic of Striding Edge as background. I was actually wondering how long it would take an ant to do Striding Edge. Not from the usual starting point in Glenridding mind – I am not a bloody idiot – no I was thinking from say the path at the hole in the wall.  

My brain had just jumped from distance to cover, to Ant type and size - Red, Black, Wood Ant, Fire Ant etc, when she just barged in with a cup of tea.  Quick as a flash I bluffed her with what I thought was a cracking excuse and told her this was my creative thinking time.  It’s not really a lie as such as I am always daydreaming, so was confident enough to go for eye contact. She did the same and it was a case of who would blink first. I thought I had her, but then she pulled a blinder. Why not do a bit of creative thinking while you are gardening? I know you aren’t keen, but it would kill two jobs. You know like multi-tasking.

There was no ringing phone to save me this time, seconds passed, she needed an answer.  My brain was doing overtime, come on think, think, FFS THINK MAN.  I had no choice but to pull out my get out of jail card, which I was saving for when she asked me to do some decorating.  I gave a pathetic weak cough – no I don’t think I can, I have a bit of a dry throat.  BOOM, she took a couple of steps back looking worried. That might be that bloody virus and I don’t want it. You will have to sleep in the spare room tonight just in case.
I am seriously worried now, because we don’t have a spare room so she probably means I have to kip in the campervan. I got to see the whole of Celebrity Antiques Road Trip tonight as she does not seem to want to be in the same room as me now. Still at least it’s the weekend so I can relax for a couple of days.
D

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