The Shopping Run

Having not done much in the way of real panic buying I offered to go out and get some shopping late this evening. After reaching over to M and gently placing my hand under her chin and closing her mouth she said okaaaaay. She also gave me the look that meant she was highly suspicious. I hid behind my hero husband mask and said – no point in us both taking risks. I knew that didn’t really wash with her, but while she was stunned I grabbed all of the bags and headed for the door, only pausing long enough to grab our ever increasing shopping list consisting of things we couldn’t get last time.

Rather than try the main supermarket I headed to the little Spar shop instead. As I suspected it was relatively quiet. Once inside I noticed there was plenty of fruit and veg, but still no toilet rolls.  I decided to go for priorities and began working my way down isles foraging for essentials like curlywurly’s, crisps and alcohol. My plan being to get these and then go back for stuff we could manage without like veg, milk and bread. Once inside the crisp isle I spotted 3 multipack packets of Walkers crisps and a packet of Doritos among a pile of gopping Smokey Bacon ones and made a beeline for those. Some heavy snorting started next to me and a cross between a bulldog and a gorilla elbowed past ignoring the 2m rule and grabbed the Walkers and Doritos. “Ahh haway man be fair” I said, but he just grinned the grin of someone who had way too many visits from the tooth fairy and swaggered off. B@STARD.  A couple of isles later and I saw his baskets abandoned while he went in search for other stuff. Quick as a flash I grabbed one of the Walkers multipacks and bunged it in my basket.  His basket did not look that full now so I grabbed a packet of Tena Lady from the shelf stacker’s trolley and hid them under his crisps to bulk it out.

I had only gone a few paces and then thought shit if he gets to the checkout before me I am in the deep stuff. The rest of the shopping went in a blur and I raced around grabbing as much stuff as we needed. Heading for a checkout that was just opening I ended up in a race with an old lady.

I was no match for her as she did not even attempt to check if anyone was coming from left or right as she bust out of the isle so she grabbed the first slot. I came a close second, but then had to leave a 2m safety space.

A short while after that the Bulldog Gorilla hybrid turned up and joined the queue. In these little Spars you just place your basket on the little shelf and stand back so the checkout person empties it. By now I was starting to flap, if he got in first and my swap was noticed he would probably stamp on me.

Up close he was 100% thug with a badly drawn tattoo on his arm which said either Chantelle or Chanterelle. Assuming he wasn’t a fan of mushrooms it was probably the latter. On the fist I expected he would use to punch me was the word HATE.

As the checkout lady began scanning my stuff I had never been so happy to see that the person in front of Bulldog was the sort of person you hate to get behind when it comes to paying because they are so slow.

As I began to pay Bulldog had placed his basket on the counter and was ordered to stand back. Please let me get out Pleeease.

I had barely got to the door when I heard the checkout lady shout. JULIE, NO PRICE ON THE TENA CAN YOU CHECK?